Who's to blame?

I haven't been doing as well this week so far as I have the past weeks. I haven't been making the best eating choices and my exercising has gone by the wayside too.

I blame Steve.

OK, not really. But he did fly out on Friday for a 2-week mission trip to Romania. And I miss him and I tend to be an emotional eater... can you see where I'm going with this? But wait, there's more.

I have not been sleeping well at night because I'm not used to not having him here, so I wake up tired and I just can't seem to find the energy to exercise.

So really, it's all his fault.

Sigh.

No, it's my fault. I have been giving into my excuses again. Ugh, that's so easy to do! Right when I seem to be hitting my stride I find some other reason to slip back into those unhealthy habits that have held me captive for far too long.

I plan on doing better tomorrow. I plan on going to the store and getting some healthy food options to have on hand. I play on exercising early in the day, and hopefully that will help boost my energy level. I'm planning on focusing on my health and the changes that I can make, instead of lying to myself and making excuses.

Exercising like it's 1984!

I have this workout tape, circa 1984, that I pull out every now and then when I get sick of walking. So today, a mere 5 days into my exercise routine, I found myself with this in my hands:

Seriously.

Joan Lunden, do you remember her? Joan and 4 of her closest friends sweating out some mad 80s-style dance moves and "having fun while burning fat!"

Sure they are.

Honestly, though, when you get past the outfits (skin-tight full body leotards with high-top white sneakers) and the hair styles (do you really need that sweat-band, Joan?) and the music (there are just.no.words)... the workout isn't really that bad.

I wouldn't call it fun, but it is more interesting than walking in place.

And completing it did turn me into a red-faced, sweaty, stinky mess.

So it's all good.

But I have to ask, What are some of your favorite go-to, "gee, I hope no one ever sees me doing this" workout tapes?

Walk a Mile in my Shoes...

... because then I won't have to!

I have set a goal for myself for the month of June. Nathan is doing Summer School, so I am by myself from 7:30-3:00 every weekday. Which means that all my excuses that I've been using all year as to why I can't find time to exercise are basically worthless. So I decided that I would get some type of exercise every day that Nathan is in school.

Yesterday was the first day of school, and the first day of my exercise plan. I wanted to ease into things, since I haven't worked out in awhile, so I did a 1-mile Walk Away the Pounds DVD.

As far as workouts go, this isn't a bad one. It takes about 25 minutes with the warm-up and cool-down, and it's low-impact, of course, since it's a walking workout. Even the host, Leslie Sansone, isn't all that annoying, though at one point she does turn to the heavy-set gal in the back and say, "Good girl, Sharon!" Uh... she may be fat, but she's not a 3-year-old! But other than that she's pretty encouraging and not so chipper that she makes me want to lash out irrationally.

Today, I needed to return some library books, so I decided to walk there. It's a bit over a mile round trip, not bad at all, but oh how I fought with myself about it. I did not want to take a walk. It was humid outside. And I was just plain feeling lazy. I put it off until almost the last minute, but then I decided that I was not going to give up on my exercise goal on just the 2nd day.

So I did it.

Grudgingly.

Still, I felt good afterward that I had done it, and that I didn't have to exercise again until tomorrow.

Or so I thought.

Tonight, after dinner, Nathan wanted to ride his bike. And Steve was still at the church. So I was in the game.

I could have told him no. I was tired, and I had already taken a walk today. But my boy wanted to ride his bike with me. And I wasn't about to let him down.

So, I walked another mile alongside Nate on his bike. And for some strange reason... I enjoyed it much more this time around! The time went quicker, the distance felt shorter, and even the heat didn't seem so draining. Being with Nathan made the difference. It almost didn't feel like exercise at all...

Almost.

Putting myself out there

Sounds scary just to type it. But, I have come to realize that I need accountability in this weight-loss journey, because it is not just going to magically happen on it's own. I have been blogging here since January, and though I did take off the privacy setting after about a month, I haven't really been telling people about this blog either.

But that's gonna change.

Thanks to Facebook, there are hundreds of people out there who check in on my life from time to time. You read my status updates and see my pictures, and you read my other blog which I do publish on FB... and now you are welcome to read this one as well. But be warned: this is my weight-loss blog, and I am going to try to blog in the good times and bad, in the time of healthy choices and the time of binges. I am going to try to be honest here. Because lying to myself isn't getting me anywhere.

There are a few facts that I must get out of the way up front.

Fact #1: I am not healthy.

Duh, right? I mean, anyone can tell by looking at me that I am not healthy. I'm pretty obviously overweight. It's not like I'm able to hide it from anyone. And yet, I have tried and tried in the past to convince myself that I'm really not that fat. Or that it's really not that big of a deal. But those have been lies that I've told myself to keep myself here. And I just can't lie about it anymore.

Fact #2: My health is not going to get better if I stay at this weight, it's going to get worse.

I already have insulin resistance. I don't want to get diabetes. Or have a heart attack or stroke. I know what it is like to lose a parent. My mom died when I was 21. And I don't want Nathan to have to go through something like that. Not if there is anything I can do to prevent it. I read once that obesity is now the leading cause of preventable death in the United States. Preventable means that I can do something to change my odds. And I owe it to myself and my loved ones to make the changes.

Fact #3: No one else can do this for me.

With God's help, I need to learn to eat healthier, I need to exercise my body, and I need to change my habits for the rest of my life. I need to learn to see food differently, to use it for fuel and not to feed an emotional need, and to eat the correct portions and balanced nutrition for my overall health. I need to exercise, to move my body and make it strong. I have to do it.

Fact #4: I need people around me to encourage me and keep me accountable.

That's where you come in. If you have read this far and are still with me, thank you. Please pray for me, and encourage me, and ask how I'm doing if I stop posting for awhile. Please let me tell you about my successes and my failures. Please be gentle with me when I'm beating myself up, and please be tough on my when I'm making excuses.

Cause I need all the help I can get!