I'm not feeling very pretty today.

I'm dressed for church in the stretchy black pants that I always wear, in a cute but tent-like top, and I dread being on display. Not that people at my church will be batting an eye, after all, they are used to me looking like this. But I feel so huge today. And it's affecting my attitude.

I want to hide. I want to isolate myself. I want to stay in the house and never leave.

But none of those are options. So I have to paste on a pleasant expression and get over myself.

The thing is, I know that I am the only one who can change what I hate most about myself... my weight. No one else can do it for me. I choose what I eat. I pick what I drink. I decide if I exercise or not. And I have to deal with the consequences of my choices.

On days like today, I feel so overwhelmed with the changes that I need to make. I don't deny that something needs to change... but I think about the long road ahead of me in this journey toward health, and I'm not sure I can make it. What if I try, really try this time, and I still fail again? What if I'm always going to look and feel just like I do today?

Being down on myself and overwhelmed only serves to make me want to quit before I even start. But I can't do what I've always done and expect the outcome to be different. If I don't change my behavior, I will remain fat and unhealthy... or worse.

I could die from complications from this extra weight. And do I really want to make my son motherless just because I couldn't say no to the cookies and ice cream? Do I want laziness to rob my son of his mother or my husband of his wife?

I know what I need to do. I just need to do it!