As I sit here tonight, I am just over 2 months away from my 40th birthday. I am at the heaviest weight I have been in my life. I don't know exactly what I weigh, because my scale ran out of batteries and I haven't gotten a new one yet. That's on my "To Do" list. But when I weighed over Christmas break back in Missouri, I was just under 275 lbs. I NEVER thought I would see those numbers staring back at me.
I hate the way I look. My belly is bigger than a pregnant woman's. I hate that in a few short years, my sons will be embaressed to be seen with me. A friend of my oldest already asked him if his mom was the fat one. He was more hurt for me, but I told him I wasn't made at his friend. I am the fat one. I hate that about myself.
(I didn't tell him I hate that. I don't want him to feel sad for me.)
I can get really down on myself if I let myself, but I want to use this blog to write down the good choices I am making, with the hope that as my good choices grow more frequent, my weight will finallly start to go down. I have a long, long way to go. 100 lbs to lose. But I can only take it one day at a time. And so I do.
My good choices yesterday:
I ate a healthy breakfast.
I took a walk in the evening.
I did not eat ice cream or anything after dinner.
I drank water.
My good choices today:
I ate a good breakfast.
I brought my healthy lunch to work and ate that instead of going out.
I did not eat ice cream or anything else after dinner.
I drank only unsweet ice tea and water all day long.
The time has come to do this, once and for all. I owe it to myself, and to my family.
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Discouraged
I am having the worst time getting motivated again. I so desperately want to lose weight... but then I get in the moment and I choose comfort or ease or taste over what I know I should be doing/eating every time. I hate the way I look, yet I do nothing to change it. I hate that I am tired all the time, yet I do nothing to change it. I hate the way I feel, yet I do nothing to change it.
It's like I'm already defeated and I haven't even started yet.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
WIS
Today was Weigh-In Sunday again, and though I do not want to post my results, I will. I gained 2 lbs this past week. And yes, I was expecting a gain because I am being visited by my monthly [non]friend who doesn't come along every month.
(That's my period, for those men who may be reading!)
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Weigh-In Sunday (WIS)
Today was my first Weigh-In Sunday, and...
I LOST 5 LBS! I LOST 5 LBS! I LOST 5 LBS!
Did I mention that I lost 5 lbs? Cause I did! :)
What a great start! Here's to another great week!
I LOST 5 LBS! I LOST 5 LBS! I LOST 5 LBS!
Did I mention that I lost 5 lbs? Cause I did! :)
What a great start! Here's to another great week!
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Fear and Trembling
Tomorrow is my first weigh-day and I am feeling nervous. I REALLY want to see that scale move down a bit, but I'm just not sure what to expect. I really only made "small" changes this week, though important ones, so I'm not sure how those changes will be reflected in my actual weight.
But because I am all about celebrating victories... even non-scale victories... I will be proud of the fact that for the past week:
1. I didn't eat sweets, except for one skinny cow ice cream bar OR one fruit bar a night. I didn't eat cookies, or candy, or fudge rounds, or even one bite of my friend's awesome-looking desert at Red Robin. That's pretty big!
2. I didn't eat mindlessly at night after the boys are in bed. This too is huge for me, because my tendency is to flop on the couch and watch Bones on Netflix while snacking on whatever I can get my hands on. I did still sit on the couch watching Bones, but I allowed myself ONE of the treats mentioned above and That.Was.All.
3. I drank more water. I still drank Diet Pop, but I drank more water.
4. I took all my medications. For some reason, I had gotten out of the habit of taking my blood pressure medicine and my metformin, so I started doing that again this past week. And you know what? When I went to the doctor on Wednesday for my monster ear infection, my blood pressure was really good.
5. I stopped eating when I had had enough. I didn't eat until I was painfully full. I left food on my plate even!
6. I kept my goals in the forefront of my mind all week, and when I was tempted (and I was... A LOT!), I prayed and asked God to give me the strength I needed to be obedient to Him in this area.
So it is with fear and trembling that I face the scale tomorrow morning. And whatever it says, I will post here and be accountable. I hope with all that is in me to see it go down... but if it doesn't, I will celebrate the little victories and add more good choices into the mix this next week.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
One year, 90 lbs to lose!
Over the past couple of weeks, I have decided that I am tired of living my life as an overweight woman. I feel that I am dishonoring God by allowing food to have such control over me. I feel I am missing out on things that He has for me to do because I am too fat to do them comfortably. I feel that I am not being a good mom to my kids because my weight limits what I can do with them. I feel I am not being a good wife to my husband because I have "let myself go". And most of all, I feel that I am putting myself at risk of a premature death by not dealing with the health issues that go hand-in-hand with obesity.
It is time to lose this weight, once and for all.
Today is my 14th wedding anniversary. By my 15th wedding anniversary on July 25, 2013, I want to be at my goal weight of 160 lbs. I am currently at 250 lbs. Which means I have 90 lbs to lose over the next year.
Is this goal possible? Absolutely! I know it will be hard, and I know it will take some major changes to my current lifestyle, but I know that it is time. So I will do what I know to do.
I'm terrified of putting this out there, but I need the accountability that comes when people know where you are at, where you want to go, and what you are doing each step of the way. I'm terrified that I will fail... and I'm terrified that I will succeed.
I have no idea how to live any other way. I've always had this weight to hide behind; I've always had this ready-made excuse not to try, not to reach out, not to live. I'm scared what God may ask of me when my last self-defense mechanism is stripped away.
I'm scared to lose this weight, but I'm more scared NOT to.
So here we go!
Starting Weight: 250 lbs.
Goal Weight: 160 lbs.
Weigh-in Day: Sundays
First Mini Goal: 5% body weight - 12.5 lbs lost, 237.5 lbs
Second Mini Goal: 10% body weight - 25 lbs lost, 225 lbs.
Third Mini Goal: Under 200 lbs
Fourth Mini Goal: 175 lbs.
Overall Goal: 160 lbs.
Here are some current pictures of me taken during our family vacation at the lake a couple weeks ago. While there, I worried that the life jackets wouldn't fit me, I avoided riding the Sea Doo because I thought I was too fat, and I wouldn't jump in the lake or tube because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to climb the ladder to get back in the boat. By this time next year, I'd love to be able to do all those things are more!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Up then Down
...then down some more!
I am happy to say that after gaining about 6 lbs over a 2-month period, I am moving in the right direction again and have lost 9 lbs in the last month and a half! Which means I'm only 3 lbs down from my starting weight, but still. I've lost 9 lbs. Which tells me one very important thing:
When I follow the Insulin Resistance diet, IT WORKS!
Yep, it does!
I actually got to teach a few other people about it this weekend, which was a good refresher for me and really seemed to help them out as well. We've also decided to be a sort of accountability group for each other, which I know I need.
I am currently 12 lbs away from my first mini-goal and I'm planning on seeing that scale continue to move D-O-W-N!
I am happy to say that after gaining about 6 lbs over a 2-month period, I am moving in the right direction again and have lost 9 lbs in the last month and a half! Which means I'm only 3 lbs down from my starting weight, but still. I've lost 9 lbs. Which tells me one very important thing:
When I follow the Insulin Resistance diet, IT WORKS!
Yep, it does!
I actually got to teach a few other people about it this weekend, which was a good refresher for me and really seemed to help them out as well. We've also decided to be a sort of accountability group for each other, which I know I need.
I am currently 12 lbs away from my first mini-goal and I'm planning on seeing that scale continue to move D-O-W-N!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Back to Basics
This past month has not been a good one for me, weight-wise. I'd lose a pound, then gain 2 back, then lose 1, etc. I'm pretty much right where I started out, which is not cool. So, here I am, beginning again AGAIN.
I've been re-reading the Insulin Resistant diet, which is the one that make the most sense for me in regard to my health issues and just the patterns I notice about myself. So I'm starting that again. It's not a diet so much as a new way of eating, and understanding how my body uses the food I eat and how to help my body use food more efficiently. It's pretty interesting stuff and it makes a lot of sense.
The first step, the one I'm focusing on for the rest of the week, is LINK. The goal is to link a protein with whatever else I'm eating. I should never be eating carbs on their own, but should rather link them with a protein, which helps my body use the carb better and prevents the mountains and valleys in my blood sugar levels. The goal is to keep things nice and even, no spikes and dips.
Eating protein may sound like a dream come true for some, but it's kind of hard for me. I love carbs. And though I like meat and stuff, it's harder to have those "quick" things to grab on hand. One thing that has helped is that this diet does not make you count low-fat diary as a carb because the carbs in diary do not have the same effect on blood sugar and insulin that other carbs have. So, cheese or yogurt or milk can be my protein choice. Which is good for me. But I am trying to come up with some other go-to protein choices that I can pair up with my carbs during the day.
Sunday I will weigh in again and I will post here how I did... though I'm nervous about it. And for the rest of the week I will focus on the LINK part of the eating plan. Next week, I'll add in the BALANCE part.
All in all, it feel s good to have a plan and to be actively following it again!
I've been re-reading the Insulin Resistant diet, which is the one that make the most sense for me in regard to my health issues and just the patterns I notice about myself. So I'm starting that again. It's not a diet so much as a new way of eating, and understanding how my body uses the food I eat and how to help my body use food more efficiently. It's pretty interesting stuff and it makes a lot of sense.
The first step, the one I'm focusing on for the rest of the week, is LINK. The goal is to link a protein with whatever else I'm eating. I should never be eating carbs on their own, but should rather link them with a protein, which helps my body use the carb better and prevents the mountains and valleys in my blood sugar levels. The goal is to keep things nice and even, no spikes and dips.
Eating protein may sound like a dream come true for some, but it's kind of hard for me. I love carbs. And though I like meat and stuff, it's harder to have those "quick" things to grab on hand. One thing that has helped is that this diet does not make you count low-fat diary as a carb because the carbs in diary do not have the same effect on blood sugar and insulin that other carbs have. So, cheese or yogurt or milk can be my protein choice. Which is good for me. But I am trying to come up with some other go-to protein choices that I can pair up with my carbs during the day.
Sunday I will weigh in again and I will post here how I did... though I'm nervous about it. And for the rest of the week I will focus on the LINK part of the eating plan. Next week, I'll add in the BALANCE part.
All in all, it feel s good to have a plan and to be actively following it again!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Checking in
But nothing really new to report. I wasn't at church on Sunday (home with a sick kiddo), so I didn't weigh in. We don't have a scale at home, but there is a really nice, accurate doctor's-type scale at the church so I weigh in there.
Not that I imagine I had much of a loss. I just hope I didn't gain.
This past week, I've had a visit from my monthly-friend-who-doesn't-come-every-month-but-whom-I've-seen-a-lot-more-of-since-having-a-baby. I don't much care for her visits, and I tend to have more cravings and to indulge said cravings a bit more when she's around.
But she finally took the hint and left, so here we go again.
Not that I imagine I had much of a loss. I just hope I didn't gain.
This past week, I've had a visit from my monthly-friend-who-doesn't-come-every-month-but-whom-I've-seen-a-lot-more-of-since-having-a-baby. I don't much care for her visits, and I tend to have more cravings and to indulge said cravings a bit more when she's around.
But she finally took the hint and left, so here we go again.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Weekly Weigh-In
I weighed in this afternoon and I was a bit dismayed to learn that I had only lost 1 lb this past week! I had been hoping for a bigger loss, but I must admit that we had eaten out quite a few times over the past couple of days, and I'm sure that had a lot to do with my number. But, instead of beating myself up over the fact that I only had a small loss this week, I'm choosing to be thankful that I had a loss at all this week! The scale could have gone up! And yes, 1 lb. is just a drop in the bucket. But tomorrow is another day in this life-long journey towards health.
One pound down... 89 to go.
One week down... the rest of my life to go!
One pound down... 89 to go.
One week down... the rest of my life to go!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
So far, pretty good...
I've been doing pretty good with my eating so far- just getting back into the habit of following the diabetic eating plan. I haven't done it perfectly, but again, there is a lot to re-learn and I think I've done very well for my first week back on program. Tonight was a hard one. I was just REALLY snacky tonight. I made the choice to go over a bit on my carbs for my evening snack, but I did choose low-fat popcorn, which is a lot healthier than what I could have chosen.
I'm anxious to weigh on Sunday and just see what the scale says, but I can already tell I have slimmed down a little. I tend to lose weight in a weird way... my sides slim down first, and my belly is one of the last things to be affected. It's part of having PCOS, the tendency to gain weight around the belly, and the difficulty in losing that weight. But, my sides are getting slimmer and I know that soon enough I'll start losing my belly too. I just have to keep at it!
Not really exercising yet. I wanted to focus on diet these first couple of weeks and then start adding exercising in once I have a better handle one what/when I should be eating. But I have done well with keeping up on my medications. Just trying to make the best choices I can each day.
I'm anxious to weigh on Sunday and just see what the scale says, but I can already tell I have slimmed down a little. I tend to lose weight in a weird way... my sides slim down first, and my belly is one of the last things to be affected. It's part of having PCOS, the tendency to gain weight around the belly, and the difficulty in losing that weight. But, my sides are getting slimmer and I know that soon enough I'll start losing my belly too. I just have to keep at it!
Not really exercising yet. I wanted to focus on diet these first couple of weeks and then start adding exercising in once I have a better handle one what/when I should be eating. But I have done well with keeping up on my medications. Just trying to make the best choices I can each day.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
New Year, New Start
Well here we are again. It's January 1, 2012... a brand new year. And I've got some big changes I need to make in regards to my health.
So let's get to it. I found out the day after Thanksgiving that my Hemoglobin A1C levels were elevated, indicating that I have borderline diabetes. I shouldn't have been surprised... but I was. I mean, I had been insulin resistant due to my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) AND I had gestational diabetes during my pregnancy. So maybe I should have seen this coming. But it really threw me for a loop and, quite honestly, scared me a bit.
The holiday season is a horrible time to get this kind of news. There's just so many sweets around; it's a recipe for failure. I actually did really well for about 2 weeks. I lost 7 lbs and I was starting to feel better. But then I let myself slide a bit over Christmas. So I haven't lost anything more.
This year HAS to be the one where I get a handle on my health; at least the parts that I can control. I didn't ask for insulin resistance or gestational diabetes or borderline diabetes, but I can make choices that will have a positive effect on my health. I can:
1. Follow a diabetic eating plan. This basically means that I will limit the amount of carbs I eat at any one time. I will balance carbs with a protein. I will eat small meals and snacks and consistent times during the day to ensure that my blood sugar stays level. I will limit sweets and simple carbs and choose complex, healthier carbs whenever possible.
2. Get some exercise most days. I asked a friend of mine who was diagnosed this past year with diabetes for some advice on managing it, and she said the best thing she has found to do is to walk a mile every day. So when the weather is nice, I can load Caleb up in the stroller and take a walk. And when it's too cold/rainy/snowy/hot/whatever... I can walk a mile with my Walk Away the Pounds DVD.
3. Drink water. 'Nuff said.
4. Take my medications. I am currently taking 2 medications twice a day, one for blood pressure and one that was first prescribed for my PCOS but is also a diabetic drug. You would think with all the medications I had to take when we were trying to get pregnant and then during my pregnancy that this would be a habit already, but after having Caleb I was off all my medications for about 6 months... so I need to make taking them a habit once more.
So those are the things that I can, that I must, that I will control. Hopefully doing them will have a positive effect on my blood sugar, my blood pressure, my weight, and my overall feeling of wellness. Yes, I'd like to lose about 90 lbs this year. But I've come to realize that a number on the scale cannot be my goal... living healthy is my goal.
And I think 2012 is going to be my year!
So let's get to it. I found out the day after Thanksgiving that my Hemoglobin A1C levels were elevated, indicating that I have borderline diabetes. I shouldn't have been surprised... but I was. I mean, I had been insulin resistant due to my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) AND I had gestational diabetes during my pregnancy. So maybe I should have seen this coming. But it really threw me for a loop and, quite honestly, scared me a bit.
The holiday season is a horrible time to get this kind of news. There's just so many sweets around; it's a recipe for failure. I actually did really well for about 2 weeks. I lost 7 lbs and I was starting to feel better. But then I let myself slide a bit over Christmas. So I haven't lost anything more.
This year HAS to be the one where I get a handle on my health; at least the parts that I can control. I didn't ask for insulin resistance or gestational diabetes or borderline diabetes, but I can make choices that will have a positive effect on my health. I can:
1. Follow a diabetic eating plan. This basically means that I will limit the amount of carbs I eat at any one time. I will balance carbs with a protein. I will eat small meals and snacks and consistent times during the day to ensure that my blood sugar stays level. I will limit sweets and simple carbs and choose complex, healthier carbs whenever possible.
2. Get some exercise most days. I asked a friend of mine who was diagnosed this past year with diabetes for some advice on managing it, and she said the best thing she has found to do is to walk a mile every day. So when the weather is nice, I can load Caleb up in the stroller and take a walk. And when it's too cold/rainy/snowy/hot/whatever... I can walk a mile with my Walk Away the Pounds DVD.
3. Drink water. 'Nuff said.
4. Take my medications. I am currently taking 2 medications twice a day, one for blood pressure and one that was first prescribed for my PCOS but is also a diabetic drug. You would think with all the medications I had to take when we were trying to get pregnant and then during my pregnancy that this would be a habit already, but after having Caleb I was off all my medications for about 6 months... so I need to make taking them a habit once more.
So those are the things that I can, that I must, that I will control. Hopefully doing them will have a positive effect on my blood sugar, my blood pressure, my weight, and my overall feeling of wellness. Yes, I'd like to lose about 90 lbs this year. But I've come to realize that a number on the scale cannot be my goal... living healthy is my goal.
And I think 2012 is going to be my year!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Baby Steps
So I had a full week to wrap my head around my need to make some changes, to actually start TRYING to lose weight again, since pregnancy hormones have left the building and are no longer doing all the work for me. And though I did take some time to think about the changes I need to make... I didn't actually make any of those changes, and so I was up another pound when I weighed in yesterday.
Imagine that. Do nothing, and not lose weight. Revolutionary thought.
So this week I've decided to actually start doing something about losing weight. But instead of trying to go all gung-ho all at once, I'm going to concentrate on two small things. Two baby steps towards a healthier me.
Baby step toward health. (Thank you, Bob!)
1. I am going to drink at least 64 ozs of water a day. This will probably be hard for me, because when I am thirsty I want diet coke or tea, not water... but I've always heard/read/been told by those who know that drinking water is one of the best things you can do for your body. So I'm going to start there. Water. Lots and lots of water.
2. I am going to NOT snack mindlessly at night. That is my biggest temptation to binge, that time after the boys are in bed and I am able to sit down for a minute and watch some TV or read a book. Suddenly, I am so hungry, and no matter what I eat, nothing seems to satisfy. Hmmm... I think that's because I'm not really hungry, I just want to unwind and snack at the end of the day. So my goal here is to allow myself ONE small snack, and then to quit eating. I can have a fudge bar OR a small bag of 94% fat-free popcorn OR some crackers and cheese OR a graham cracker and milk... but not all of them and more. One snack. And you better believe I'm going to savor it!
So those are my baby step goals for the next week. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go fill up my water bottle and start drinking!
Baby steps to the fridge.
Baby steps to get the ice.
Baby steps to drink the water.
(I seriously love that movie and need to watch it again soon!)
Imagine that. Do nothing, and not lose weight. Revolutionary thought.
So this week I've decided to actually start doing something about losing weight. But instead of trying to go all gung-ho all at once, I'm going to concentrate on two small things. Two baby steps towards a healthier me.
Baby step toward health. (Thank you, Bob!)
1. I am going to drink at least 64 ozs of water a day. This will probably be hard for me, because when I am thirsty I want diet coke or tea, not water... but I've always heard/read/been told by those who know that drinking water is one of the best things you can do for your body. So I'm going to start there. Water. Lots and lots of water.
2. I am going to NOT snack mindlessly at night. That is my biggest temptation to binge, that time after the boys are in bed and I am able to sit down for a minute and watch some TV or read a book. Suddenly, I am so hungry, and no matter what I eat, nothing seems to satisfy. Hmmm... I think that's because I'm not really hungry, I just want to unwind and snack at the end of the day. So my goal here is to allow myself ONE small snack, and then to quit eating. I can have a fudge bar OR a small bag of 94% fat-free popcorn OR some crackers and cheese OR a graham cracker and milk... but not all of them and more. One snack. And you better believe I'm going to savor it!
So those are my baby step goals for the next week. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go fill up my water bottle and start drinking!
Baby steps to the fridge.
Baby steps to get the ice.
Baby steps to drink the water.
(I seriously love that movie and need to watch it again soon!)
Sunday, August 21, 2011
I'm Back!
Whoa Nelly it's been a ride since last I posted here! Yes, it's been a year since I've been here. But I think you'll agree that I had a good reason not to be posting on my weight-loss blog.
You see, in September 2010, I found out I was pregnant.
After trying, hoping, praying for over 4 years, I was finally pregnant.
So, of course, I stopped trying to lose weight.
But guess what... I LOST WEIGHT WHILE PREGNANT!
That's right! Thanks to gestational diabetes and learning to eat to manage that, I not only didn't gain any weight during my pregnancy, but I actually lost!
I left the hospital 10 lbs down from my pre-pregnancy weight. And over the course of the next month, I lost another 10 lbs.
Are you keeping up with me here? Not only did I have a beautiful, healthy baby boy... but I was down 20 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight.
It was glorious.
Especially since I wasn't really trying to lose weight during that first month. I was pretty much eating what I wanted, and letting those wonderful "I just had a baby" hormones do the rest.
But alas, like all good things, it couldn't last.
Because once my hormones stabilized, I stopped losing weight.
And I even started gaining a little bit back.
Which means, even though I am still 10 lbs down from my pre-pregnancy weight... I'm up almost 10 lbs from where I was that first month after having my baby.
So... all that to say... I've been gone from here, but now I'm back, because I want to get the scale moving DOWN again, and I want it to stay there.
And just how am I going to go about doing this?
Well that, my friends, is another post. So check back, and keep me accountable.
Cause seriously, I need all the help I can get!
You see, in September 2010, I found out I was pregnant.
After trying, hoping, praying for over 4 years, I was finally pregnant.
So, of course, I stopped trying to lose weight.
But guess what... I LOST WEIGHT WHILE PREGNANT!
That's right! Thanks to gestational diabetes and learning to eat to manage that, I not only didn't gain any weight during my pregnancy, but I actually lost!
I left the hospital 10 lbs down from my pre-pregnancy weight. And over the course of the next month, I lost another 10 lbs.
Are you keeping up with me here? Not only did I have a beautiful, healthy baby boy... but I was down 20 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight.
It was glorious.
Especially since I wasn't really trying to lose weight during that first month. I was pretty much eating what I wanted, and letting those wonderful "I just had a baby" hormones do the rest.
But alas, like all good things, it couldn't last.
Because once my hormones stabilized, I stopped losing weight.
And I even started gaining a little bit back.
Which means, even though I am still 10 lbs down from my pre-pregnancy weight... I'm up almost 10 lbs from where I was that first month after having my baby.
So... all that to say... I've been gone from here, but now I'm back, because I want to get the scale moving DOWN again, and I want it to stay there.
And just how am I going to go about doing this?
Well that, my friends, is another post. So check back, and keep me accountable.
Cause seriously, I need all the help I can get!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
NSVs
Down another 1.5 lbs today! Woo-hoo! And I had some awesome NSVs (that's non-scale victories, doncha know?) this week also.
The first, of course, is the great shopping miracle of 2010 that I shared about in my last post. I wore one of my new shirts today to church and got lots of compliments on it, which was nice.
The second happened yesterday as well. We went out to eat for dinner, and I got a meal that I had gotten before, but this time... I wasn't able to finish it. I only ate about half of it, and then I was full, so I... wait for it... STOPPED EATING. And yes, I know some of you may not understand how amazing this was, but trust me. It was a victory!
Finally today, we drove through McDonald's after church, and I ordered a grilled chicken salad. It crossed my mind briefly to go ahead and get the hamburger and fries, since I had just weighed in and I had a whole week before I had to hop back on the scale, but I didn't. I got the salad, and I ate the salad, and I enjoyed the salad.
They're little things, sure, but I'll take 'em! :)
The first, of course, is the great shopping miracle of 2010 that I shared about in my last post. I wore one of my new shirts today to church and got lots of compliments on it, which was nice.
The second happened yesterday as well. We went out to eat for dinner, and I got a meal that I had gotten before, but this time... I wasn't able to finish it. I only ate about half of it, and then I was full, so I... wait for it... STOPPED EATING. And yes, I know some of you may not understand how amazing this was, but trust me. It was a victory!
Finally today, we drove through McDonald's after church, and I ordered a grilled chicken salad. It crossed my mind briefly to go ahead and get the hamburger and fries, since I had just weighed in and I had a whole week before I had to hop back on the scale, but I didn't. I got the salad, and I ate the salad, and I enjoyed the salad.
They're little things, sure, but I'll take 'em! :)
Saturday, August 21, 2010
A "Minor" Miracle
A couple of weeks ago, I was given a Kohl's gift card for my birthday. (Thanks, Dad and Jennifer!) So today I decided that I had put it off long enough, and I was going to go do some shopping for... GASP... me!
I'm going to be real honest with you... I was not looking forward to it. Did I need some new shirts? Yes. Desperately. But I hate, hate, hate clothes shopping for myself.
I'll give you three guesses why.
I hate clothes shopping for myself because I hate the way I look. The clothes may look all cute and stuff on the hangers, but for some reason once I put them on me they look hideous. Or maybe it's just me.
But today was the day and I was bound and determined. So Steve and Nate dropped me off in the Women's (aka Plus Size, aka Fat Lady) section, and then they ran for the hills. Yeah, they know how I am.
So I found some shirts that I liked. And I found the size that I am (I'm not going to tell you what size... but let's just say there was a number in front of an X). I found some good deals and I found some cute shirts and I made my way to the fitting room.
And once I was safely locked behind that fitting room door, I looked at myself in the mirror. Hands full of clothes, eyes full of dread. And I just did not want to try on those clothes only to be disappointed again.
So what's a girl to do?
I prayed.
I really did. I stood there and I prayed that this would not be a horrible experience and that I would be able to find SOMETHING that actually looked good on me.
And then I started trying on shirts.
And an amazing thing happened.
I put on a shirt and thought to myself, "Hmmm, it's cute... but kind of baggy."
So I tried on another shirt, and thought the same thing.
(And just so you know, I do not like fitted shirts. My friend D accuses me often of trying to hide my bulk by dressing myself in circus-tent-like clothing, but these shirts were even too baggy for me! And that's saying something!)
By this time I was feeling a bit confused, but I kept trying on clothes, and the next shirt fit me pretty well. But then I tried on one just like it but in another color and it was way too baggy on me again.
At this point, I was just baffled enough to start my own investigation, and I noticed that the one shirt that had actually fit, that had not been too baggy, was mislabeled. The hanger said the size that I usually get. But the shirt itself was a size down.
My moth dropped open when I realized that my usual size was too big, and the right fit was actually a size smaller. Still an X... but one number down.
So I went back out and got smaller sizes in all the shirts and tried them all on and
THEY ALL FIT!
I was able to buy 5 shirts that I really liked and that actually didn't look too bad on me.
It was a shopping miracle!
And it was also a much needed reminder that even though the scale has been moving down S-L-O-W-L-Y, I am still making progress and I just need to keep it up!
I'm going to be real honest with you... I was not looking forward to it. Did I need some new shirts? Yes. Desperately. But I hate, hate, hate clothes shopping for myself.
I'll give you three guesses why.
I hate clothes shopping for myself because I hate the way I look. The clothes may look all cute and stuff on the hangers, but for some reason once I put them on me they look hideous. Or maybe it's just me.
But today was the day and I was bound and determined. So Steve and Nate dropped me off in the Women's (aka Plus Size, aka Fat Lady) section, and then they ran for the hills. Yeah, they know how I am.
So I found some shirts that I liked. And I found the size that I am (I'm not going to tell you what size... but let's just say there was a number in front of an X). I found some good deals and I found some cute shirts and I made my way to the fitting room.
And once I was safely locked behind that fitting room door, I looked at myself in the mirror. Hands full of clothes, eyes full of dread. And I just did not want to try on those clothes only to be disappointed again.
So what's a girl to do?
I prayed.
I really did. I stood there and I prayed that this would not be a horrible experience and that I would be able to find SOMETHING that actually looked good on me.
And then I started trying on shirts.
And an amazing thing happened.
I put on a shirt and thought to myself, "Hmmm, it's cute... but kind of baggy."
So I tried on another shirt, and thought the same thing.
(And just so you know, I do not like fitted shirts. My friend D accuses me often of trying to hide my bulk by dressing myself in circus-tent-like clothing, but these shirts were even too baggy for me! And that's saying something!)
By this time I was feeling a bit confused, but I kept trying on clothes, and the next shirt fit me pretty well. But then I tried on one just like it but in another color and it was way too baggy on me again.
At this point, I was just baffled enough to start my own investigation, and I noticed that the one shirt that had actually fit, that had not been too baggy, was mislabeled. The hanger said the size that I usually get. But the shirt itself was a size down.
My moth dropped open when I realized that my usual size was too big, and the right fit was actually a size smaller. Still an X... but one number down.
So I went back out and got smaller sizes in all the shirts and tried them all on and
THEY ALL FIT!
I was able to buy 5 shirts that I really liked and that actually didn't look too bad on me.
It was a shopping miracle!
And it was also a much needed reminder that even though the scale has been moving down S-L-O-W-L-Y, I am still making progress and I just need to keep it up!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Moving on DOWN!
Finally!
After a couple weeks of gaining, I finally saw the scale move in the right direction today! I lost 2 1/2 lbs this week and I am so grateful! I had been expecting a gain after our weekend trip to our college town, but when I gained again the next week I was surprised and frustrated. Maybe it just took a couple weeks for my body to get on board with what I'm trying to do here. Who knows? But, I am thankful that the scale is starting to move on down!
My goals for this week are:
1. Drink my water.
It's been so hot, so you'd think I'd have no trouble getting all my water in each day... but you'd be wrong. For whatever reason, I am having a real hard time drinking water, so I'm making it a goal this week to drink at least 64 fl. oz. of water each day. So far, so good.
2. Move my body.
Again, it's been so hot that I have not wanted to get out and take a walk, or do much moving in any way, shape, or form. But, I have been doing some in-home walking with Leslie Sansone (Walk Away the Pounds DVDs), and I walked in the church gym with a friend this week, so I'm working on it. I'd like to do some form of exercise AT LEAST 4 days this week.
3. Journal my eating.
I want to continue learning this new way of using food for my body's benefit. I'm discovering what works for me, and what doesn't. So I want to journal my food choices this week so I can see clearly what I'm really eating. You can't change what you don't know, you know? :)
Here's to a great, HEALTHY week. Who's with me?
After a couple weeks of gaining, I finally saw the scale move in the right direction today! I lost 2 1/2 lbs this week and I am so grateful! I had been expecting a gain after our weekend trip to our college town, but when I gained again the next week I was surprised and frustrated. Maybe it just took a couple weeks for my body to get on board with what I'm trying to do here. Who knows? But, I am thankful that the scale is starting to move on down!
My goals for this week are:
1. Drink my water.
It's been so hot, so you'd think I'd have no trouble getting all my water in each day... but you'd be wrong. For whatever reason, I am having a real hard time drinking water, so I'm making it a goal this week to drink at least 64 fl. oz. of water each day. So far, so good.
2. Move my body.
Again, it's been so hot that I have not wanted to get out and take a walk, or do much moving in any way, shape, or form. But, I have been doing some in-home walking with Leslie Sansone (Walk Away the Pounds DVDs), and I walked in the church gym with a friend this week, so I'm working on it. I'd like to do some form of exercise AT LEAST 4 days this week.
3. Journal my eating.
I want to continue learning this new way of using food for my body's benefit. I'm discovering what works for me, and what doesn't. So I want to journal my food choices this week so I can see clearly what I'm really eating. You can't change what you don't know, you know? :)
Here's to a great, HEALTHY week. Who's with me?
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Baby Steps
After a wonderful/horrible weekend in our college town (wonderful in all ways, but horrible as far as my diet was concerned!), it's been a pretty good week so far. I did gain a couple pounds after our weekend away, but we ate at our old college haunts, went to a rehearsal dinner at an Italian place, had wedding cupcakes and those awesome hand-made cream cheese mint things, and basically I did not follow my diet AT ALL. So, I deserved the gain. But, I'm hoping it will be gone when I step on the scale on Sunday.
I'm learning more and more what this new eating plan looks like day in and day out. I've stocked up on some protein options (though I can't find soy nuts at Walmart to save my life!), and I'm focusing this week on counting those carbs and balancing them with proteins. I haven't gotten it perfect, but I'm taking baby steps.
One big "ah-ha" moment I had this week is this: My breakfasts do not have to look like typical breakfasts. I'm realizing that normal breakfast foods are not going to work for me. Sure, I can have eggs or sausage or turkey bacon, but I'm not going to eat that every day. I can eat cereal like Rice Crispies with milk, but it takes A LOT of milk to balance those carbs. Or, I can eat a slightly modified breakfast.
Take yesterday, for example. I had a toasted English muffin with deli turkey and cheese on it. Basically a turkey and cheese sandwich for breakfast. Maybe a bit odd, sure. But healthy and balanced and delicious and within my plan. So, it works!
Another thing that has been a challenge for me is the fact that fruits are carbs. It's not healthy for me to mindlessly snack out of the bowl of grapes. I have to count them out, and then I have to have a protein to balance them. It's a new mindset, but I'm starting to think this way and it is getting more natural.
I do need to get more veggies in. I have never been a huge veggie-eater, so this has always been hard for me. But a friend just gave us some cucumbers and zucchini, and I bought salad greens this week too, so I am trying.
Whew! There is a lot to keep straight.
But I'll keep on taking these baby steps and I'll figure it all out... eventually!
I'm learning more and more what this new eating plan looks like day in and day out. I've stocked up on some protein options (though I can't find soy nuts at Walmart to save my life!), and I'm focusing this week on counting those carbs and balancing them with proteins. I haven't gotten it perfect, but I'm taking baby steps.
One big "ah-ha" moment I had this week is this: My breakfasts do not have to look like typical breakfasts. I'm realizing that normal breakfast foods are not going to work for me. Sure, I can have eggs or sausage or turkey bacon, but I'm not going to eat that every day. I can eat cereal like Rice Crispies with milk, but it takes A LOT of milk to balance those carbs. Or, I can eat a slightly modified breakfast.
Take yesterday, for example. I had a toasted English muffin with deli turkey and cheese on it. Basically a turkey and cheese sandwich for breakfast. Maybe a bit odd, sure. But healthy and balanced and delicious and within my plan. So, it works!
Another thing that has been a challenge for me is the fact that fruits are carbs. It's not healthy for me to mindlessly snack out of the bowl of grapes. I have to count them out, and then I have to have a protein to balance them. It's a new mindset, but I'm starting to think this way and it is getting more natural.
I do need to get more veggies in. I have never been a huge veggie-eater, so this has always been hard for me. But a friend just gave us some cucumbers and zucchini, and I bought salad greens this week too, so I am trying.
Whew! There is a lot to keep straight.
But I'll keep on taking these baby steps and I'll figure it all out... eventually!
Friday, July 30, 2010
What We Have Learned
Many of you have asked what I am learning from my Insulin Resistance diet book. It's actually been very informative and interesting! I have slowly started following the guidelines, not perfectly yet, as I'm still learning the ins and outs, but I'm taking steps in that direction and I feel good about that.
Basically, the Insulin Resistance diet focuses on the Link and Balance System. I limit the amount of carbs I eat in a 2-hour window to no more than 2 servings (or 30 grams total). I don't have to eat that much, but I can't eat more than that. In addition to limiting the amount of carbs, the other important aspect of the plan is to balance what carbs I do eat with protein. For every serving (15 grams) of carbs that I eat, I must eat a serving (7 grams) of protein along with it. So it's not a no-carb diet, but it's all about eating carbs in the right combination with other foods so my body can use them for energy and not store them as fat.
So, carbs must always be linked with protein, and I must eat enough protein to balance the carbs that I eat. (I can eat more protein, and I can eat as many non-starchy veggies as I want, but I have to eat at least enough protein to balance out the carbs.) Link and Balance. Get it?
The biggest thing I'm learning as I try to implement this eating plan is that there are carbs in EVERYTHING! In addition to the obvious grains and pastas and breads and potatoes, fruits count as carbs too. Which means that I can't eat a sandwich AND some grapes for lunch, because that would put me over on carbs. But, I can eat a sandwich and a low-fat yogurt, and then wait 2 hours and have grapes, along with a protein, for a snack. This eating plan encourages eating meals and snacks, but the key is to make sure there are at least 2 hours in between times that you eat carbs. If I get hungry within a 2-hour time frame, I can eat veggies or protein.
One thing that the book suggests that I am going to do is to stock up on easy-to-grab-and-eat protein foods. Some of the suggestions they give are:
Low-fat cheese sticks
Beef or turkey jerky
cups of bean or lentil soup
roasted soy nuts
law-fat or fat-free yogurt
1% milk
There are others but those are the ones that sound the best to me. The book recommends having these on hand so you can quickly grab a protein serving or two to balance out whatever carbs are eaten. So, I plan on stocking up on protein snacks the next time I get to the store.
So how does this work in everyday life? I actually think it's very doable. Here's a real-life example from my life this week of how I could eat in lines with this diet plan and still enjoy my food:
Last night, my family took me to Cascones, my favorite Italian restaurant, to celebrate my birthday. (Which was weeks ago, but this was the first time we were all able to get together!) I knew I wanted to get spaghetti and meatballs, which is my favorite dish there. I knew that I could eat 30 grams of carbs at dinner, which amounted to about 1 cup of spaghetti, and that I needed to balance it with at least 14 grams of protein. So, I ordered spaghetti and meatballs, ate 1 cup of the spaghetti (shared the rest with Nathan and brought some home), and ate all the meatballs, since I can have more protein. I did not eat any bread, which was hard, but I reminded myself that I really wanted to be able to eat a whole cup of the spaghetti, which helped. I also got a veggie-based soup before my meal. So I enjoyed my favorite meal and my favorite restaurant and still ate within my plan.
(Now... I did eat cake and ice cream later that night, which was not linked and balanced, but the book also talks about splurging and how we shouldn't beat ourselves up when we splurge every once and awhile. Since we were celebrating my birthday and it was a special occasion, I splurged. But I will not be able to do that every night!)
So that's an overview of what I am learning and what it looks like in my daily life. I really think this is something that I can do for the rest of my life. Right now it's still work, as I have to plan what to eat and look up carb amounts, but I know as I do it more and more it will get easier. So far I've lost 1 lb a week ago, and I will weigh again this Sunday. Even if I don't show big losses yet, I am still taking baby steps as I learn this plan, and I know the scale will start to reflect those good choices if I just keep at it!
Basically, the Insulin Resistance diet focuses on the Link and Balance System. I limit the amount of carbs I eat in a 2-hour window to no more than 2 servings (or 30 grams total). I don't have to eat that much, but I can't eat more than that. In addition to limiting the amount of carbs, the other important aspect of the plan is to balance what carbs I do eat with protein. For every serving (15 grams) of carbs that I eat, I must eat a serving (7 grams) of protein along with it. So it's not a no-carb diet, but it's all about eating carbs in the right combination with other foods so my body can use them for energy and not store them as fat.
So, carbs must always be linked with protein, and I must eat enough protein to balance the carbs that I eat. (I can eat more protein, and I can eat as many non-starchy veggies as I want, but I have to eat at least enough protein to balance out the carbs.) Link and Balance. Get it?
The biggest thing I'm learning as I try to implement this eating plan is that there are carbs in EVERYTHING! In addition to the obvious grains and pastas and breads and potatoes, fruits count as carbs too. Which means that I can't eat a sandwich AND some grapes for lunch, because that would put me over on carbs. But, I can eat a sandwich and a low-fat yogurt, and then wait 2 hours and have grapes, along with a protein, for a snack. This eating plan encourages eating meals and snacks, but the key is to make sure there are at least 2 hours in between times that you eat carbs. If I get hungry within a 2-hour time frame, I can eat veggies or protein.
One thing that the book suggests that I am going to do is to stock up on easy-to-grab-and-eat protein foods. Some of the suggestions they give are:
Low-fat cheese sticks
Beef or turkey jerky
cups of bean or lentil soup
roasted soy nuts
law-fat or fat-free yogurt
1% milk
There are others but those are the ones that sound the best to me. The book recommends having these on hand so you can quickly grab a protein serving or two to balance out whatever carbs are eaten. So, I plan on stocking up on protein snacks the next time I get to the store.
So how does this work in everyday life? I actually think it's very doable. Here's a real-life example from my life this week of how I could eat in lines with this diet plan and still enjoy my food:
Last night, my family took me to Cascones, my favorite Italian restaurant, to celebrate my birthday. (Which was weeks ago, but this was the first time we were all able to get together!) I knew I wanted to get spaghetti and meatballs, which is my favorite dish there. I knew that I could eat 30 grams of carbs at dinner, which amounted to about 1 cup of spaghetti, and that I needed to balance it with at least 14 grams of protein. So, I ordered spaghetti and meatballs, ate 1 cup of the spaghetti (shared the rest with Nathan and brought some home), and ate all the meatballs, since I can have more protein. I did not eat any bread, which was hard, but I reminded myself that I really wanted to be able to eat a whole cup of the spaghetti, which helped. I also got a veggie-based soup before my meal. So I enjoyed my favorite meal and my favorite restaurant and still ate within my plan.
(Now... I did eat cake and ice cream later that night, which was not linked and balanced, but the book also talks about splurging and how we shouldn't beat ourselves up when we splurge every once and awhile. Since we were celebrating my birthday and it was a special occasion, I splurged. But I will not be able to do that every night!)
So that's an overview of what I am learning and what it looks like in my daily life. I really think this is something that I can do for the rest of my life. Right now it's still work, as I have to plan what to eat and look up carb amounts, but I know as I do it more and more it will get easier. So far I've lost 1 lb a week ago, and I will weigh again this Sunday. Even if I don't show big losses yet, I am still taking baby steps as I learn this plan, and I know the scale will start to reflect those good choices if I just keep at it!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Cleaning out the temple
First of all, how do you like the new blog design? I'm not sure I'm 100% crazy about it yet, but my old blog design was not being offered anymore so I had to come up with a new one. I'll keep tweaking it, but for now it is what it is.
It's confession time again. Man I hate doing these!
I have been eating pretty well this past week. I've been reading my insulin resistance book and I'm starting to make some changes and grow in my understanding, though I have not finished the book yet. But I'm taking steps and implementing the things I have learned as I read. Which probably makes what happened last night all the worse because I had actually been doing good.
First you must understand that last night, I was alone. Alone in the house. Steve was at a conference. Nate was spending the night with his grandparents. And I, for the first time in a very long time, had some "just me" time at home. I had bought Season 1 of The Office on sale at Walmart with some birthday money, and I had gotten some chips and french onion dip to snack on while I watched. (This is a treat for me, and one I almost never get!)
If I had just had a helping of chips and french onion dip the story would have ended here.
But, that isn't what happened.
I not only ate W-A-Y too much chips and french onion dip, but I also drove through McDonald's for dinner. And even though I thought about getting a salad... I got a Big Mac and fries.
You know where this is going, don't you? You can tell it isn't going to end well. And deep down, I think I knew that too... but the instant gratification of eating something "forbidden" to me won out.
It all came back early this morning. Literally.
Now I don't throw up all that often. But I did this morning. And afterward, as I stumbled back to bed, I started praying.
I told God that I knew I had brought this on myself. I asked Him to forgive me and to help me remember this next time I'm tempted. (Because I know there will be a next time, and a time after that, and a time after that!)
And then this crazy thought popped into my head and out of my mouth before I'd even had time to fully formulate it.
I thanked God for cleaning out the temple.
Do you remember the story in the Bible where Jesus goes to the temple and sees the people abusing God's house? There are money changers who are doing business and cheating people right there in the temple! And Jesus fills up with this righteous anger and starts overturning tables and using whips to get the moneychangers out of His Father's house!
And we may wonder, what happened to the meek and mild Jesus who loves us all?
But I realized last night after I had thrown up that Jesus cleared out the temple because of love. Love for His Father. Love for the church. Love for the people who wanted to worship there. And even love for the moneychangers, who were sinning and needed to be corrected.
And Jesus cleaned me out because of love too. Love for His Father, who gave us every good gift and doesn't want us to abuse them. Love for my body, the temple of the Holy Spirit, which was being polluted and mired by sin. Love for the people who needed to see Jesus in me clearly, but couldn't.
And love for me, the glutton, who was sinning and needed to be corrected.
How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure.
It's confession time again. Man I hate doing these!
I have been eating pretty well this past week. I've been reading my insulin resistance book and I'm starting to make some changes and grow in my understanding, though I have not finished the book yet. But I'm taking steps and implementing the things I have learned as I read. Which probably makes what happened last night all the worse because I had actually been doing good.
First you must understand that last night, I was alone. Alone in the house. Steve was at a conference. Nate was spending the night with his grandparents. And I, for the first time in a very long time, had some "just me" time at home. I had bought Season 1 of The Office on sale at Walmart with some birthday money, and I had gotten some chips and french onion dip to snack on while I watched. (This is a treat for me, and one I almost never get!)
If I had just had a helping of chips and french onion dip the story would have ended here.
But, that isn't what happened.
I not only ate W-A-Y too much chips and french onion dip, but I also drove through McDonald's for dinner. And even though I thought about getting a salad... I got a Big Mac and fries.
You know where this is going, don't you? You can tell it isn't going to end well. And deep down, I think I knew that too... but the instant gratification of eating something "forbidden" to me won out.
It all came back early this morning. Literally.
Now I don't throw up all that often. But I did this morning. And afterward, as I stumbled back to bed, I started praying.
I told God that I knew I had brought this on myself. I asked Him to forgive me and to help me remember this next time I'm tempted. (Because I know there will be a next time, and a time after that, and a time after that!)
And then this crazy thought popped into my head and out of my mouth before I'd even had time to fully formulate it.
I thanked God for cleaning out the temple.
Do you remember the story in the Bible where Jesus goes to the temple and sees the people abusing God's house? There are money changers who are doing business and cheating people right there in the temple! And Jesus fills up with this righteous anger and starts overturning tables and using whips to get the moneychangers out of His Father's house!
And we may wonder, what happened to the meek and mild Jesus who loves us all?
But I realized last night after I had thrown up that Jesus cleared out the temple because of love. Love for His Father. Love for the church. Love for the people who wanted to worship there. And even love for the moneychangers, who were sinning and needed to be corrected.
And Jesus cleaned me out because of love too. Love for His Father, who gave us every good gift and doesn't want us to abuse them. Love for my body, the temple of the Holy Spirit, which was being polluted and mired by sin. Love for the people who needed to see Jesus in me clearly, but couldn't.
And love for me, the glutton, who was sinning and needed to be corrected.
How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure.
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